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a penguin of very little brain
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| as the stars are starry in the time of our darkness |
[Apr. 25th, 2008|07:14 pm] |
I get why people dislike having this official day. And sometimes the parades are a bit much, and the idea that maybe you're a bad person for not attending a service is a terrible thing that's being encouraged. I dislike the religious connotations, the fact that god is part of the benediction and it's called a dawn 'service,' and I dislike the unthinking parroting of ideas. These things, all things, need to be questioned.
This morning, Chris expressed displeasure at the opening address: it was too defensive, he felt. I liked it this year, more than I have the last few years: the guy was clearly not a good public speaker, he paused uncomfortably and was unsure, and he spoke about how we don't like fighting and we don't want to fight, and we can question those decisions that lead us there, and we should question the decisions that lead us there, but once you go you go, and when you come home you don't want to be forgotten, don't want your efforts to be worth nothing in the eyes of everyone.
And you can dislike this day, and you can be ambivalent about this day, and you can be like a couple we saw on the way home, 0930 on Anzac Day and they were having their wedding photos taken. But still, in the quiet of the dawn, or in the bright sun light, or on the bus or when you're dancing or when you're living your life, for just a second, you should remember them, and then keep on being happy. |
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| come taste the wine (come hear the band) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2008|06:34 pm] |
Today I said goodbye to a very old friend.
I spent the morning alternately crying and rageful, and when they carried his coffin down I burst into tears and I'm so sorry that I didn't spend more time with him, and I'm sorry that I didn't follow through on the promise I made when I was ten (I was going to become a doctor, and help him get better). His body was ruined by fighting in Vietnam, and he was often in pain but he helped me understand that it was worth it, every moment. He was so supportive and delightful and very cheeky, always encouraging me to do those things that made me happy but were a little bit naughty. I would not hesitate to say that he had a significant impact on who I am today.
He was always living his life as best he could and doing things, even when he was in pain, and it upsets me when I see people giving up or refusing to struggle through, refusing to strive and work through and be happy.
I value his impact on my life, and I will continue to live it to my fullest. |
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| as the stars that shall be bright when we are dust |
[Apr. 25th, 2007|06:47 pm] |
every year i think about this in advance, because i want my words to have meaning. i don't want you to just gloss over them, oh, that steph is such a military brat or something. i was going to talk about identity, the reflections of myself that i've seen, and perhaps i will, but something came up in conversation yesterday and i wanted to explain.
anzac day is not about glorifying war. it's not about praise or success or winning. it's not about waving our flag. it is about the futility of war, and how stupid humans can be.
once again i went to see the sunrise at the armadale memorial, and once again i couldn't settle: there were lights, and the concert band played, and the rsl president gave three speeches, and then there was the laying of the wreaths and it was so yay good on you, sun hill restaurant, for having a wreath to lay, and it was just.
anzac day is perhaps the closest i ever come to spirituality. in the darkness i listen to the birds as the sun rises, and i reflect on all sorts of things, the futility of war and my frustration. i hate war. i think it is pointless and dumb and one of the things i would love to do is prevent the requirement for it, but if i had to, if i were called up, i would fight and just.
that's all.
i guess the identity talk will have to come later. |
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| this is a post about tomorrow |
[Apr. 24th, 2006|06:23 pm] |
This is a post about me, okay? If you don't already feel the way that I do, then a few sentences from me aren't going to change your mind. So this isn't me trying to make anyone feel bad or anything. These are just the words that I need to say this year. If you're interested, the words that I needed to say last year can be found here.
Tomorrow, I will get up long before the sun. Out in the cold, wrapped in a coat and a scarf and very probably wearing gloves, I will listen to the birds singing and I will watch the sun rise. I will stand there, and I will listen to the trite words of the old men from the RSL, and I will stand there as they sing their hymns that I don't believe in, and I will remember why I am standing there.
I will stand there because I am here, in this country. And I love my life. I would not have been born but for the events that came before, and that sounds dumb but it is no less true. And I know that it is not just the wars that shape this country, and I feel dumb saying "this country" because I'm not really into patriotism or anything. However. There were these wars, these people who died, these people who were injured and afraid, and we remember those acts. And we don't remember them to glorify them. We remember them because they occurred. And because they occurred, I am here. I exist, and I love my life.
And maybe you would exist without those wars, and their outcomes. But so many people would not. And even if you did exist, how do you know what your life today would be like?
So, okay. I stand there for so many reasons. But this is the most important one: I am grateful for my life. And wars are terrible, horrible things, and I hate them. But I will not forget why they were fought, in the hopes that we may never have to fight them again. |
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| [anzac day] sad for the wrong reasons |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|10:07 pm] |
i always cry on anzac day, in the dark as the sun rises. and i'm comfortable with that. i give my tears and my thoughts at least at this point every year, if not more often, for all those who served. and i'm grateful for their sacrifice, because i love my life.
please read this and this. these are not bad reasons to cry. and i know that the services can be trite and twee, but they give me what i need. silence and the people around me as the sun rises.
today i didn't go to the kings park service as i normally do. instead i went to armadale because davyd is in the armadale city concert band, and they were playing there. davyd's mother asked davyd why i was there, and davyd said that he didn't know, but thought it might be because i'm a military brat. and others who saw me asked what i was doing there, like my attendance when i didn't have to be there was a surprise.
later, davyd asked if i had appeased my middle class guilt by attending, and it made me sad that he and the others didn't understand.
and i admit that maybe some people attend the dawn service to appease their guilt. but i don't.
and i don't attend because i'm a military brat.
and i don't attend because i should.
i attend because i'm grateful. because i love my life and i love my country, even through all its faults. i have friends who went to war years before i was born, and still hold the scars. some of them live in pain every day, for the long term abuse that war heaped on their bodies.
i think war is a terrible thing, and i hate it. i'm a pacifist, and i'm chinese, and i'm a feminist, and i'm a military brat, but most of all i'm australian and if i had to fight for my country, then i would.
and that's all. |
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