Entry tags:

constructing me

if i couldn't keep the carpets clean

Settlement occured today, and so now we are the proud owners of a mortgage.

Sometimes I have these moments of doubt, that I'm getting older and there's no chance to do all the things I still want to do. I especially feel like this when peace_bloom posts photos of some of my favourite people (herself included) having a blast on the other side of the country (this doesn't mean she should stop doing this, though. in fact she should do this more).

Before our eviction letter arrived, Davyd and I were talking about spending some time living in Melbourne, and vaguely considering living in Malaysia or Singapore for a bit. This would delight me, living close to (some others of) my loved ones. I love Perth, and no matter where we go we'll probably move back, but I don't intend for us to spend our whole lives living here.

In 2006 I was offered a position in Canberra, which I obviously turned down. I haven't regretted it, not for a second, because although there are some delightful people living in Canberra it is Canberra, and I don't think I would have enjoyed that job in the end, not really.

I worry though, sometimes, that of all these things I want to achieve, of all these things I want to do, I'm not going to do them. And I know that everyone feels this way, that everyone has these doubts, so they're nothing special and I should just ignore them, and just get on with it.

And whenever I start worrying about this, I think about my mum, who has done so many things since she was about the age I am now. She changed careers in her late forties and is now incredibly successful; she left her own country and her own family to move to Australia and start a new one; since moving to Australia she has learnt to speak Japanese fluently, and Indonesian (though as a Malaysian, this last one is a bit of a cheat, really); and she's really, really happy, and she has no regrets at all.

And when I start worrying about not achieving things, I think that my mum is really awesome, and when I grow up, I want to be awesome, too. And then I think about the things that I've achieved, planned or not (which this year: plan a Really Big Party; go to Melbourne; take Davyd to meet my family in Malaysia and Singapore; start learning German; change careers so I get paid doing stuff I enjoy; buy a property), and that I'm pretty awesome now, actually.

So that's my coping strategy.


I hope that whatever yours is, it works just as well.